Dialogue Instead of Debate

A few conversational terms have become so blurred that they are almost considered synonyms today:  dialogue, discussion, and debate.  In fact, in politics (including, and perhaps especially, on social media), every interaction seems to have become a debate, with a desire to score points and get a positional win for a party, side, or agenda in an adversarial engagement. 

In some cases a debate is appropriate, where opposing arguments are carefully considered to weigh an important decision, but too often there is a “win at all costs” mentality to such interactions, with no real interest in considering other perspectives, and generally with no value forthcoming.  In many situations, a discussion should be an interactive exchange of ideas and information to reach a decision or to identify options and opportunities.  While differing positions may have pros and cons to various stakeholders the overall approach should generally not be one of determining wins and losses, but of coming to the best overall solution for the group.  This form of proactive engagements seems to be increasingly rare, and in political discussions it is uncommon to see perspectives other than the primary party lines.

More rarely still do we see open dialogues, as a non-confrontational exchange between colleagues, where intelligent people engage as friendly peers with a common goal of expanding understanding.  In a dialogue, each party provides ideas and information openly while temporarily suspending their preconceptions and assumptions with the goal of jointly learning and gaining insight without adversarial positioning at all.

Why is it that we like to hear our current opinions and prejudices repeated back to us, piling confirmations on top of our current biases, without the complications that come from alternative positions, inconvenient facts, and different worldviews?  Do we really wish everybody was just like us?  Are we really that confident we already know everything worth knowing?

A few more thoughts on vision before moving on: people are pretty good at vision for their personal lives, but often never get to “being part of the vision” at work. We've all heard about Maslow’s hierarchy, and that at some level employees want to be self-actualized, but even if we as employees get past the basic survival needs and into the psychological needs of esteem and belonging, somehow we too often short circuit at that layer and fail to make it up to the top. Why is it that we tend to settle for less, as employees and employers, for such an important aspect of our lives?

I don’t think this problem starts with the employee, but it certainly is curious how people act. The person who fearlessly dives into marriage and a mortgage, plans for 2.3 kids, and then find himself volunteering to be a coach for their kid’s team despite not knowing the sport can be the same guy at work who sticks with the down-rev tools and waits for Mgmt and Training to get their act together before adopting the new process roll-out, and avoids the promising upstart project because “it’s not what we’ve always done”. How can a person readily create and chase a meaningful vision in their personal life, but avoid it at work? How can amateur coaches of 13 year old kids instill a vision of greatness and get sacrifice and hard work while managers of adults struggle to get half-hearted buy-in of this year’s objectives and would happily settle for compliance with defined processes versus passive-aggressive cross-purpose efforts?

If you’re lucky, you’ve probably worked on at most two great teams in your life, often just one, and maybe none. If you have been on an unusually team or managed such an effort, you know the one: team members own the vision and believe in the project; strive tirelessly to make progress despite internal hurdles, technical issues, and competitive pressure; come in early and leave late not because they HAVE to but because they WANT to; back each other up and somehow identify and address issues before they become problems; and despite not being sure that success is even possible manage to succeed and exceed expectations. Customers are enthusiastic, the company is satisfied, and employees are energized. Why can’t we all have teams like that? Why are they so rare?

I don’t have all the answers, but some good studies and sharp observations have identified some of the key aspects. More on this in a day or two……..